I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
