i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
