At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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