She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
