i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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