and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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