some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
