just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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