someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I AM VODKA MAN
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