I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
