these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
