her facebook's as public as her vagina
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
