he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
