Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
me + whiskey = a bad person
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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