I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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