If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
