ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
