hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
