Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
