pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
