big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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