Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dicks are not precious.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
