I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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