You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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