im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
