So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
