God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
