Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
