the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
