i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
