All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
