dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
