If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
