D3 body, D1 cock
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize