God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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