just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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