How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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