Moan for me like Helen Keller
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize