Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
