good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
