Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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