My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
