I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
