Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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