My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Plan B is the new Plan A
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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