dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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