Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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