It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
