they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
