So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
