Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
