Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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