Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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