did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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