I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
