Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
