so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
