I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
they need to just BURY HIM!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
