Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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