Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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