Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
