direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
