one two three fourrrrnication!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
