I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
