got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize