it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
