Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
