i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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