I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
