I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
