He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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