it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
