WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
they need to just BURY HIM!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
