Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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